This is a blog about depression. If you are easily offended or take offence to my very sarcastic humour, please do not read any further. Mental illness is not a joke; it is not something to point fun at and I fully understand that. BUT…when the going gets tough, sarcasm and humour is my defence and so I will be parading it around all over this blog.
If you need help, please get it. Whilst I hope this has a happy ending, I don’t know yet and given I’ve not been able to fix myself, I really don’t want others using this as a ‘How To Be Happy for Beginners v2.0’
I wake up to my alarms but turn them off and roll back over. Friends KH & RH were fully open that I could have a duvet day if needed. I’m not sure that’s what this is but I am not ready to face the world. Then, their genius plan to endure I do not spend the day hiding begins. In walks a very little and very lovely Child MH. She can only just reach the door handle and she creeps very quietly right up to the side of the bed before whispering in her best whisper voice:
Child MH: ‘wakey wakey Bam Bam’
Bam Bam is my nick name, I’m not sure Child MH even knows my real name! This is the BEST way to wake up a depressed person. Note to the hospital, try this rather than waking us up with obs and meds!
Oh ok. Up I get, I can’t say no to her. Not only because she’s ridiculously cute but because as a 2-year-old, I am not sure she’ll take no for an answer. Down I go to be greeted by the whole family, a bowl of figgy porridge and a steaming cup of black coffee. Perfection.
Friend KH in her very lovely but firm voices tells me we are going out today. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I am tired. There are two kids and 2 dogs in tow. How will this work out? Friend KH being the person she is, won’t take any excuses so there’s no point even trying. After breakfast, it’s time to brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair thanks to some dry shampoo and let’s really go to town with a smidge of mascara. Wow. This is impressive.
Leaving the house with 2 tiny children is not something that can be done quickly. It’s a slow start but all this means is that I’ve been occupied through to lunchtime without even realising it. Thanks to my Uniqlo order, I am in stretchy leggings and a tunic top in a desperate attempt to hide my tummy and backside.
We get to a garden centre/ play farm/ park type place and head for lunch first. I’m shaking. I don’t know if my friends have noticed but I am. There are a lot of people here and I need to make a decision about what to have for lunch. This goes somewhat wrong. I fail to see the chocolate milkshake and the chocolate marmalade muffin that this place has. Thankfully Friend KH spots this oversight in enough time to remedy it. Ok, so, focussing on the friends, their gorgeous kids and getting Child MH to count the balloons on the next table, I get through lunch.
Next up, time to run around a large open space with a toddler who has just had chocolate. How do people do it? She’s off like a shot to the carousel ride. After some carousel riding, trampoline bouncing and sandpit playing, it’s time to see the farm animals. Child MH is loving this and to keep reiterating the point, momentum has indeed generated momentum. I don’t think about my energy units as it’s too much fun. What it has made me realise is how much I want my fitness back. I WANT to stop binging now (after the chocolate marmalade muffin of course). I want more days outside walking.
After a run around, a doggy swim and trying to teach a toddler how to do a headstand, it’s time to head back. This has been great, it would never have happened if I were at home alone but boy, I’m tired. Thankfully, so is the toddler so Walt, time to do your magic again. This time it’s Tangled and we are back in our pjs.
Supper tonight is fish & chips plus my introduction to the stuff they call curry sauce. I’m not sure how I feel about this so stay tuned in case it pops up again. The fish is amazing, it’s a great meal to end the day. That said, I am feeling increasingly self-conscious about my size. Things that were very baggy are now somewhat tight. I need to get back to exercising, not only for my mental health but to prevent my need to go up yet another dress size. This doesn’t prevent me enjoying a cream egg through, just so we are clear.
We are all tired so it’s an even earlier night than yesterday. Teeth brushed, face washed, in bed and it’s 2230, this is good for me, really good. I dabble with the idea of writing my blog post but instead get a little carried away with planning next week. I MUST try harder next week to get my life moving again. I want to go back to work, I want to feel back in control, I want to be healthy both mentally and physically. I hear Friend KH get up for a midnight feed with Baby HH which pulls me back to reality. It’s midnight and that’s my cue to turn the light off and capitalise on this early night. This time, the post does end here!