Short & Sour

So, this post will be a little different to the usual ones. It’s a Sunday night and I am at home with my cats. The weekend has been busy and I’ve even managed to walk 12,000 steps today. I’ve socialised, I’ve washed, I’ve even brushed my teeth. But there is a but. There is always a bloody but. The but this time is that I am not in a good place. I am feeling like there is no way out of this. On an intellectual level, I know that this will pass. I know I’ll be able to see a future for myself and that I’ll enjoy things again. Another but though… but, right now, sat at the kitchen table, I can’t see a future.

 

This weekend involved a lot of my favourite happy things:

 

  1. My Aunt came to London
  2. Supper at my Sister’s & brother-in-laws new place
  3. The ballet
  4. Georgian food
  5. Walking
  6. A very very good friend staying the night
  7. Walking again (in the sun)
  8. Poncey London coffee (almond flat white)
  9. Sunday roast
  10. Even more walking
  11. Cats
  12. Colouring cat pictures
  13. Looking at cat pictures on Instagram

 

So, that’s a list of 13 things and I’ve definitely missed out a few. Yet, I have struggled all weekend. I have felt like I don’t want to be here.

 

I’m going to take my night meds – the recommended amount, not an OD I promise – and I am going to go to bed. I am going to get up and go to day care tomorrow (depression doesn’t stop for bank holidays so neither does the therapy) and I am going to talk about this. I also promise to work out how to tell my psychiatrist the truth.

 

Fingers crossed normal service will resume tomorrow

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One thought on “Short & Sour

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