Things People Don’t Tell You About Being On Crutches

It’s significantly harder than it looks and if you are remotely unfit, it’s basically torture
Getting on and off the toilet requires ballet-esque balance and grace, 2 things I’m seriously lacking
You may have damaged your ankle (or foot or leg) but the crutches will damage your hands
You’ll forget about the ankle pain because your biceps are screaming at you instead
Stairs are a torture device. Living up 4 flights of them makes anything feel impossible
Going up stairs is one thing, going down them is quite another. I’m in the process of perfecting the bum shuffle technique- I really thought I’d given that up ~1988
Cats are scared of them
Opening and manoeuvring through doors is an interesting skill of pushing doors with the metal poles whilst also angling your way through
People on London busses fall into 2 camps: 1) amazing, helpful, kind
2) dicks
If you see someone on crutches, please offer them your seat. The combination of movement and only 1 working leg isn’t a good one
Crutches should come with stabilisers as when you need to put them down, the floor is a long way away when trying to bend over on one leg to get them again
One leg will be developing some serious muscles whilst the other is losing muscles. It’s a great look!
You can’t just get up in the night for a drink/ toilet/ biscuit raid – one must forward plan all movements to maximise gain from single output
A backpack worn on your front will become your best friend
Ice cream, mini eggs and chocolate gingerbread men are the best prescription ever
Bed, pillows and Netflix prevent you spending more time on the crutches than absolutely necessary

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